BDSM vs. Abuse

BDSM vs. Abuse

Here’s a difficult topic to broach. Most people couldn’t tell you the difference between abuse and BDSM. As a matter of fact, I know someone whose only concept of BDSM is based on the rape scene in Pulp Fiction. While that ball gag may be a common prop in BDSM scenes, it’s the only part of that scenario that is. The most obvious difference between the two being consent.

At this point I should hit the brakes and skate a few feet back. I suppose I should explain the basics here since without trust there is no reason to proceed in a scene with someone. If you were a diabetic would you trust a junkie to loan their needle to you just because they said they were HIV negative? As ludicrous an analogy as that is, it’s just as far-fetched a concept as comparing BDSM and abuse. But unfortunately, people do it all the time because they don’t realize that a scene is created based on trust, consent and mutual goals. Now, of course, that concept can still become muddied when the two participants have unhealthy ideals and goals. Let’s face facts, every community
has its rotten eggs, but for the sake of this article I’m referring to healthy BDSM interactions. You inevitably have to trust each other and know that the top has the bottom’s well-being at heart.

A more appropriate concept might be to consider the idea that your best friend is dating someone who you just can’t understand the attraction to. Just because you don’t get it doesn’t mean it’s not a good fit for your best friend. We all place our ideals and expectations upon others in different ways and expect them to adhere to our desires. Yet, when we come to realize that it is a big world and we all approach it from different angles there are always going to be varied viewpoints.

When it comes down to it, BDSM is an outlet for people with creative minds to explore their own thought process without judgment being made in a controlled and safe environment. That is worlds away from someone’s destructive behavior infringing on another’s freewill. While abuse may be about control of one person over another, BDSM is about control over oneself. In BDSM a bottom has the opportunity to control their fear, control their pain threshold, and control their humiliation. They CHOOSE to push themselves and their limits. They willingly participate in consensual activities to explore their own mind or body. In abuse, obviously, one person does not willingly agree to what is occurring. They are a victim of someone else’s issues. My personal approach to Domination is simple: I may hurt you in ways you desire, but I will never harm you. The difference between hurt and harm, from my perspective, being
that hurt is something you can heal from and harm is a more permanent state, whether it be physical or emotional.

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