Confronting The Unknown

Confronting The Unknown

The number one question I receive from interested onlookers is, why would someone indulge in BDSM? That is not a simple question when we think about the many reasons why people would do anything. To many the unknown is a fearful area and one they wish not to explore.

One reason many people pursue BDSM is for that very reason, fear. Some people face their fears by staring them down. Confronting the unknown in oneself is quite a large arena and the exploration of one fear may lead to many more questions and even more unknown fears. This concept is common in extreme sport fanatics. Bungee jumping, mountain climbing and sky diving are all about the rush. It’s the same reason a teenager wants to find the biggest roller coaster to ride: adrenaline and endorphins.

The opportunity to push one’s limits and find out one’s capacity for pain is another reason. This is tantamount to the runner who runs to the point of exhaustion and then keeps on running. Weight lifting, biking,
or those who participate in any sport where one pushes themselves beyond their physical capabilities is comparable to this concept of BDSM play.

These first two approaches can also be tied together, at times, for those individuals who are interested in learning about themselves and attaining a deeper understanding of their higher self. Psychologically, it can be revealing, or spiritually, it can be enlightening to strip away common stress factors and see a more pure view of one’s life, goals and world or personal view points.

Then, of course, there is the individual who is interested in exploring a recurring fantasy that plays out in their mind. This is quite often, but not always, an event that was witnessed, experienced or even seen on TV that has become integral in the individuals psychological sexual development and in turn became a key facet to their sexuality. Exploring this interest can sometimes be seen as taboo and therefore difficult to explore. Granting the individual a safe atmosphere to explore their fantasies and work out these concepts is key to their mental and emotional stability.

There are a large number of people who are in ultimate control of their lives. They lead a very structured existence. Their day is planned from wake to sleep and every breath between and this is done out of necessity. But every once in a while it’s nice to have a break from the burden of all those responsibilities, stepping out of that world and into one where someone else has the last word and a structured itinerary and all they have to do is follow directions instead of give them. This can be quite rewarding occasionally for the high paced individual who wants one moment to breath and
not think about the kids’ billion-and-one extracurricular activities that need to be coordinated with the spouses dry cleaning and shopping – not to mentionthe bills that need to be paid and the many other daily chores that burden one’s
mind. It can be relieving, endorphin releasing, enlightening and fun to engage in a BDSM scene.

In all of these concepts or approaches there is one common theme, it is the ability to relieve an emotional or psychological stressor. Many times this relief is found in the endorphin rush that accompanies a scene. That endorphin rush is comparable to any sport or stress management system. We push ourselves because we want to succeed, to prove ourselves capable, to gain strength. But, strength comes in many forms, and just like a BDSM scene, we
gain our strength by working different parts of the body whether it be mind, body or emotions. Each scene taps into the area that we are working out. It relieves the stress of life and all the burdens we are faced with and forces us
to concentrate on one specific thing in ourselves.

There is no one easy answer to the question of ‘why’ as we each have different methods of coping. For every concept I have mentioned here, I’m sure there are a dozen more. What is common in all of us is the need to find peace and grow as individuals. It’s nice to have a safe and healthy outlet for our needs and desires.

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